10 Things before the big little 20
If you are someone like me just beginning to crossover the last teen year, trying to navigate your way through half done college assignments and deadlines, trying to save money to spend on things you’ve always wanted and constantly questioning your existence and potential to yourself, lamenting about how true love is a delusion, all the while explaining to uncomprehending faces around how “This is my choice” and “Yes, I know what I’m doing” despite not having any clue about my own plot, then this post goes to you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really very happy with how my life is going. Just that I’m currently belonging to this collective age where everything seems hard and uncertain. One moment you’ll be chilling with friends in a class that just got suspended, cracking the worst senseless jokes laughing your asses off and in the next moment your thoughts knock you off without a hint, we all have instances when we suddenly realize where our thoughts are going, and cringe like there is no tomorrow. These instances come in and go at the most random times during the uncontroversial activities. These moments that make you feel like the world is conspiring to irritate you to the fullest, that reach your nerve ends where you ultimately question your sanity. Personally, I hear manic laughter busting in my head when these moments occur.
If you don’t have any idea about what I’m talking, let me simplify that:
1. Once in a while you enter this serene mood that is so precious, where you like to be alone….and you crave to enjoy your own company, so you go out to buy some coffee and quietly settle down by the corner in your favorite cafe to read, then a gangly group of loud teenagers madly in delusion of love plonk down next to you provoking you to either throw up the coffee on their faces or that you will consider giving up interaction with fellow humans altogether for the rest of your life.
2. You go to a get together party, and see this incredibly good looking guy then spend the entire evening fielding your thoughts, eager and hoping for a chance to strike a conversation but as the ‘universal cringe conspiracy’ theory would have it, the only guy you’ll end up talking is a pompous guy, who’s sticking around blowing his own trumpet on how he made a fortune coding something during the mean time a girl, much beautiful and petite, with bosom defying the rules of gravity walks off with this guy and the only thing you’re left with is the shadow of her long legs, the sounds of her high heels that clutter against the floor.
3. You know, we all have this special day where you want to look like a star and to awe everyone, the whole day is planned in your head with perfect
screenplays of how everything should go about ,the gorgeous dress you’ve been saving for a very longtime, you trail out to the closet get the dress only to find out that it doesn’t flaunt nor fit…now you’re going nuts and have absolutely no idea what to do next, the eyeliner runs too much the contouring is a disaster and you end up looking like you have been doing drugs for the last four days….you want to shout and cry, maybe throw yourself out of planet but hush you aren’t a kid anymore..you’re a ‘big 2.0’, you can only cringe!
4. You glimpse a baby in a stroller at the mall, who giggles at you. Try as you might not to care, your traitor of a uterus does this weird tango inside. You start to make all the funny faces mirroring the baby, the next second you push all the thoughts away ,give yourself a mental shake and quickly walk the other direction before you freak the mother out with your glazed stare.
5. You run into your a school friend after 6 years and in your excitement, you invite them for a drink hoping to have fun like old times. To your dismay, the conversation is mostly dominated by how her boyfriend is some kind of a Rom com hero, how they met, where they last went, the list of all new people in their life….all their names that wobbles my mind like the running washing machine back at home. The evening ends with them bidding adieu at 8pm, saying its past their bed time and leaving you wondering — what exactly just happened?
6. You are in middle of your new favorite series on Netflix and the things happening has got your head hanging to it ,but things keep coming to you, your mom wants you to run to market right at that moment, the people long lost visit you, to tell you how you’ve grown up, how tanned your skin is ,you’re forced to curate some drink for them while you’re head is constantly battling out the idea of you packing all of them out from face of earth and to run hit the resume button as fast as you can…..but umm you know that’s its impossible.
7. You take your younger siblings out for a shopping trip and for lunch later. After hours of watching them click dressing room selfies, car selfies, bathroom selfies, you sit across the table, a spoon of ice cream into your mouth and contemplate why they have to Instagram 5 pictures of themselves which are exactly the same , save two strands of hair out of place on the forehead. Plus 5 filters for each picture. Plus, on Snapchat too. God save us.
8. You have had this cold war with one of your friend because of something so stupid, a slip of words causes all the damage so you loose contact, turn your back against them, end up blocking them in all social medias that connected you both all these days. Few weeks past you begin to calm and question your consciousness, only to regret everything you did wrong but the next day you see that they have completely forgotten about you and
bitching out your embarrassing secrets to a group of friends on so now you’re left in middle of sea of regret and anger, cringing!
9. On a particular day you’re scrolling through your phone switching between the 3 social media apps you use…..you come across those old chats you wrote to a person when you were going through a particular hard time you cringe not believing you wrote it(also the slip texts)… you curse yourself asking what was I thinking? You have no idea what to do, you’re embarrassed to the core! Ever happened?
10. Oh! The Valentines Day, you’re all pumped up with the whole ‘I’m single and loving it’ and ‘I love myself anyway’ all the other best sounding slogans the world keeps chanting. But you secretly smirk every time you see a couple go by and curse them to end up struck inside the ‘blackhole’ or the Jurassic park their entire life. That’s all for now folks….tell me if you do relate to it?
